How we Listen

It might sound basic but there is a difference between hearing what someone is saying compared to listening to what someone is saying.  The process by which the brain listens to others is a complex one that involves multiple regions and processes. The process for us hearing is something completely different.  When we hear something its rooted in evolution and to a certain degree the fight or flight mode. When we listen the areas of the brain lighten up hitting all areas of the brain that involve visualising, imagining, understanding, and empathising.

Hearing
Hearing occurs in the auditory system of the brain, which includes a network of structures and pathways responsible for processing sound.

The process of hearing begins when sound waves enter the ear and are detected by the eardrum. These sound waves then cause vibrations in the bones of the middle ear, which in turn transmit these vibrations to the cochlea, a spiral-shaped structure located in the inner ear.

The auditory cortex is organized into different regions that are specialized for processing different aspects of sound, such as pitch, volume, and location. The amygdala (which is the core region for initiating fight or flight), is involved in processing emotional information conveyed by speech, such as tone of voice or vocal inflection, its job is to scan for threats and dangers. That’s why when we hear a certain sound sometimes, we jump out of our skin without knowing fully what or where the sound came from.

Listening
Listening on the other hand occurs in multiple regions of the brain, which work together to process and interpret the sounds we hear.

When we actively listen to someone, our brains engage a complex network of regions involved in attention, memory, and language processing. For example, the prefrontal cortex, which is located in the front of the brain, is involved in attention and focus, which helps us to selectively attend to certain sounds and filter out others.

Fundamentally we can listen from two separate parts of the brain, hearing from one part of the brain and listening from another part of the brain. This means that we have a choice to hear what someone is saying or to understand what someone is saying. Counsellors, Psychotherapists, and anyone stepping into a supportive role needs to understand this, as not listening effectively we are prone to just filling in the gaps and making presumptions, which is leaving open to ill and unhealthy judgements. But we don’t just get distracted by noise or our environment we get distracted by what we are thinking.   

Failures in listening

When our minds wander during listening, we may miss important information or fail to fully understand what is being said. This is because our attention is divided between the speaker and our own thoughts, which can interfere with our ability to process and interpret the sounds and interpretations around us we hear.

In order to actively listen and avoid distractions from our thoughts, it can be helpful to practice mindfulness and focus our attention on the present moment. This means actively engaging with the speaker and paying close attention to their words, tone of voice, and body language. Being present and focused is a key skill that we need to develop when holding someone and their emotional difficulty.

Hearing is given to us from birth but listening is a core skill that needs to be practiced regularly. We need patience, we need time, we need to value what the person is saying and we need to check our own perceptions to be a good and effective listener. Carl Rogers was a psychologist who emphasized the need to listen on a much deeper level. He focused on listening so intently that we become aware of underlying issues the person may not be aware of themselves, he called it focusing on the edge of awareness. Its only through fully immersing yourself in what the person is trying to say do we really understand the issue, and even at that point it is still wise not make a judgement about them. This is what support looks like when we stop hearing what is being said and listen to what is not being said.